Thought of the day.... Psalm 91:1

Something that came to me (or overcame me) the other day and has been a constant reminder that I have been building on ever since....

"When facing the sun,

your shadows are always behind you."

translation...

"When you face the Son,

your past is always behind you"

I have been pondering this thought over the past 3 days, and it makes so much sense in my life. I struggle so much with all the mistakes of my past (and even still present). When I think about it though, shadows are constantly surrounding you, whether it be physically or mentally. You can see your shadows when you stand outside, always there (okay, maybe not so much at noon or at night), always reminding you that the sun is shining. When you face the sun, your shadows are always behind you though, never where you can see them. Now think about the shadows of your past, even though you can't physically see them, mentally they are there, a constant reminder of your sins. When you believe in the Son of God and are facing Him in your life, your shadows (past) are behind you, you can't see them.

Just a little something to think about today....and something I am continually building on daily.

Random-ness

So many thoughts, so weak to write them down.

Today has been 1 year for our family. One year since we loaded up a big trailer in our driveway in RH and pulled it 2 hours south-west into Aiken. This is a day filled with many, many emotions. We have come a long way in 1 year, with many, many ups and downs, but knowing that we are constantly seeking God's Will for our family, keeps me going on.

I registered our 14-year-old for high school today. I am too young to have a high schooler and especially one that is 6'4". He is such a great kid with a really big heart. I just hope God has big plans for him in the future.

Our little, big guy, our 10 year-old, is playing football for a near-by town. It is a little scary seeing him out there, but I'm not too worried about him getting hurt...I'm pretty sure he will be the biggest one on any team they face. I keep telling him that God gave him these abilities to play sports and he needs to give Him the credit.

Our princess, 7 year-old daughter is going to be causing us many sleepless nights. She is such a girly-girl with a tomboy flare. However, she can't keep away from the boys.....uh-oh!!!

Our 4 year-old baby will be starting 5-day 4K this year. I am elated and saddened all at the same time. I can't believe he is already school age, but I am ready for some mommy time.

So, that leaves me feeling very confused. I am really looking forward to having a couple hours to myself everyday, but I'm feeling very guilty for feeling that way. Am I sad that my oldest baby is going to high school? Sure, but I don't feel I have the same sadness that others feel. It is weird how I feel so numb going through life...

I am officially looking for a direction in my life. I have felt pulled in many different ways, but it is time for me to find something I am good at and enjoy. I'm not necessarily talking about a job, but some hobby or something.

It has been an interesting year. I am ready to tackle all that God has planned for our family in the upcoming year.

It's a Wrap Up

Although it has been a long while since my last post, so much has happened and I have so much to deal with that I just haven't had time to write.
A little update for some:

• My mom passed away on April 30th. I was there with my sister, TM & our dad. Definitely the hardest day I have ever had in my life. It has been one of those suppressing images and feelings kinda day, still don't remember much.
• We traveled to Indiana for my mom's services. Our family was blown away by the number of people who came out to see our family.
• After returning home to SC, I had to get our home ready for company. We had several visitors for a couple weeks and it was great to be surrounded by them at that time.
• We are adjusting to my husbands new schedule. He has started shift-work at his job, and although the whole concept is great, it takes A LOT of getting used to. To boil it down, he works 14 days out of 28 days, however, his days are 12 1/2 hours at a time and he rotates days and nights. During those 28 days, he gets 7 days off, which is great for us!
• School has since ended and the kids are home and already bored. It is times like this when I wish we had 4-H programs and/or lived closer to friends.
• I am now getting ready for my dad to come and visit next week. I know it is going to be very hard, but at the same time I am so excited because he hasn't seen where we live yet.
• Finally, in less than 6 weeks, we leave for vacation for 2 weeks. One week in Tennessee with my husbands family and the next week in Indiana with my family. I am looking forward to both of these very much, as is the rest of the family.

Then once we get back, school sports start and school starts, so we are basically done with our summer.

Oh well, it's a nice concept....

Slipping away

It has been a while since my last post, which is funny because almost daily I can come up with something to post about, but it never makes it to the keyboard. It is only typed out on the screen in my mind.

My days have been very hard for me lately. In my last post, I was replaying the last 7 months of my life, I rejoiced about my mom's recovery, but slowly I knew my mom was slipping away from me. At this point, I am not sure what is truly keeping her on this earth, only God knows, but I really hope and pray it is for something amazing.

There is an emptiness already inside my heart. An emptiness that yearns to be filled by something...something that only my mom and I shared. I doubt that will ever be filled and I know that over time, the emptiness will disappear, but for now, there is NOTHING that can replace a void like this. I regret that once I knew my mom was "better" back in January, I didn't call her like I would every day. I was waiting, waiting to make sure she was ok. And I got a call from her one afternoon and the words she spoke, still sting me today...

"Are you mad or upset with me? Why haven't you called?"

And those days that I waited to call her, I will never get back. It hurts me to know that my mom was upset with me at the same time for not calling her. For over the past month, she has laid in a bed unable to really communicate with anyone.

There are so many things I want my mom to see and things I want to do with her, but I will never have the chance to. I rejoice knowing she has experienced some of the new town I live in, but she won't visit my new house and see the wonderful nature surrounding our family. My mom taught be to love nature, birds, flowers, the smells. I want my mom to wake up in my house and enjoy coffee on our back deck over looking the woods. I want her to hold my children and teach them the nursery rhymes that they so much love and have grown to love, only because of her. I want her to call me up and tell me about the recipes she found in her latest magazine or on tv. It is these little things that mean more to me than most anything.

It is so hard to explain to our children or to others, the sadness of losing a parent. I have never experienced anything like this and I can say....

It hurts.

7 months...and counting

Today has been 7 months...7 months since I uprooted a comfortable life, to follow, what we are hoping, is God's calling for our family.  Seven months ago this morning, my husband walked out the door to start a "new" career and my children walked out the front door to new schools. All this was going on around me while I sat at home with C.R. surrounded by palmetto bugs and unfamiliar territory.

So, here is a short recap of the last 7 months:

• Moved 2 hours further south, to Aiken, SC (in less than a week)
• Husband and 3 of our children started new adventures
• Started looking for homes right away (not great living conditions)
• Found a foreclosure, but didn't feel it was right for us
• Continued a 2 month process of house hunting
• Went back to foreclosure and bought it
• Remodeled, re-carpeted, painted and moved in 9 days
• Expected my parents to visit for Christmas but mom broke her femur bone
• Celebrated the holidays with other family and friends
• Spent 17 days in January with my mom, dad and siblings in Florida
• Spent a week mourning the possibility of losing my mom
• Went back to Florida to celebrate her recovery with my husband and kids
• Still riding an emotional roller coaster with my mom's health

I am now trying to gather my thoughts and feelings on how fragile life is.  So many, too many, friends and family members are hurting with illness, death and uncertainty. It is very hard to believe that our Lord's hand is moving in every single one of our lives. It is the decision to step back and believe that He is in control and will guide and direct our future.

My kids came home this week with a note from school stating that they will no longer be able to sell ice cream at school due to a recent Healthy Eating law that President Obama passed. Now let's really think about this people...they are removing ice cream, that has to be bought by the elementary aged kids. Let's not talk about the soda and candy/chip machines in all the schools. Really? First of all, the parents would have to give their kids the money to buy the ice cream. So, parents, step it up in your children's eating habits if they really don't need ice cream. Also, why do we need the President of the United States to pass a law regarding this issue.

I have really been struggling with healthy eating in our house. It is a shame that it costs more money to buy healthy food, this is the type of problem we are facing. Not ice cream in the schools. It amazes me that the price of everything is also dependent on the price of gas. Ok, off that tangent, but anyways, we have a child with a little bit of a weight issue, my husband is starting to have some health related issues that could be controlled with diet. I have been thinking about starting a blog on healthy eating and how much is costs to actually eat that way. Along with this, I am also cooking for like, 8 people. With growing boys in my family, if they are going to eat as much as they do, it needs to be healthy and then I won't care about them taking second helpings at dinner.

Remember too though, that I was raised on Amish cooking, so most of my meals are meat/potatoes/starches. Our mindsets will need to change from those foods to more vegetables and fruits.

I guess, we will see how far I get with this....

Lenten Season

Last night, we joined with Ebezener Church of the Nazarene, the Ashes to Fire bible study from Ash Wednesday through Pentecost. It was a great night of singing and explaining how we could participate in Lent. Although we have never been involved with a denomination that participated in Lent, I have always tried to "give something up". Well, Pastor Ben challenged us to subtract a negative and add something good in its place. As I was challenging myself to this, immediately I thought of Facebook. I'm not going to admit I am addicted, but in a recent devotion, it was made clear that "Anything that you desire more than Me becomes and idol." If I choose to sit down in front of my computer, before doing my devotions, then there is something wrong. But that is not my biggest struggle in life. It is my attitude towards my family. (Okay, so this could get long, because many thoughts are running through my head now).

I love my family, my husband, my kids, my parents and my siblings. And the reason I can love them, is because of 1 John 4:19. "We love because he first loved us." I can love my family unconditionally, because I love my God and he loves me.

The problem is, I tend to hurt those closest to me. So here is the funny thing, last night it was made clear to me that I need to subtract the negative behavior in my life. This is really hard for me. It's not that it is a struggle to be nice, I don't have a problem being nice (to others), but I am not always nice to my husband and my kids. So, when I went to do my devotion this morning, what verse was it tending to???  Of course, Galatians 5:22, "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,"
And it does continue in verse 23, "gentleness and self-control."
I believe that with an understanding and attention to the first 7 "fruits", the gentleness and self-control will follow. So for now, I am going to spend the next 7 weeks, focusing on love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness and faithfulness.

Side note: Because I am the mother of 4 children and with all the daily distractions, with running kids to and from school, laundry, dinners, sporting events, grocery shopping, etc. a mommy is bound to be moody sometimes....come on!!

Ok, so here I go...

Back at it...Again

I am going to try and give this another shot. I've felt more and more pulled toward blogging again. I also feel like this is a way to put in some updates, with out everyone of my friends/family members to read all that is going on in our lives. I, hopefully, have disconnected it from my Facebook account, so only those that know about my Blog will be reading it and keeping up with it. So, welcome back, to Eich at the Mic...

Stay tuned.

An Eichelberger Update

First of all, we would like to thank those who were praying for us during the transition to Aiken and our house buying process. Second, I would like to announce that it is finished (well, hopefully)...here is our "new" home.

Here is our story...this house was the very first home we looked at in Aiken. It is a foreclosure and it was not going to be suitable for our family. After many weeks and many houses, we decided to take another look at it. (The price had also dropped $5,000) We went in last Friday and really examined the space. We love the neighborhood and it is in the schools our kids are currently attending. So, we looked over the space again, prayed over it and realized with a few changes, we could really make this house, OURS!

We strongly believe God led us back to this home. This house is way under the budget we were looking at and it has many features that we were looking for and didn't find in other homes. Our ultimate goal in living a life for Christ is living a debt-free life and this home should provide us with that opportunity. It's amazing that after looking at brand new, hassle-free homes, this one is perfect for our family.

GOD IS GOOD!!

Here goes...

Today is hard... Yesterday was harder... I took the time this morning to read a blog of a family going through a really, really hard time. It puts into perspective what hard times are. It broke me down and made me realize my issues are nothing. They are selfish and undeserving attention.

Here's my problem...

After a whirl-wind move to a new place, again, I sit everyday in self-pity. I sit with our 4 year-old son and mope over our situation. We had it "made" in Rock Hill, SC. We had a big house, a great church and great friends. We were all involved in many activities. We functioned day-to-day in our school and work schedules. But then it all came crashing down. I left for a long vacation and came back to having to pack up our home, family and life and move within 4 days. And a week later...it was just me and Caden. Everyone left for school and work. Everyday, everyone.

I am ashamed. I am ashamed of the house we are living in. I'll admit. I'm ashamed that I turned my nose up to this house. I'm ashamed that I can't be happy with having a roof over my family's head, a bed to sleep in and food on our table. I can't break down the selfish being that I am, thinking that people will "label" me because of where we are living or what we are wearing. There are so many thoughts and feelings running through my head everyday thinking that I have to "impress" people. What is it about me that makes me this way? Why do I have to feel that I'm better than someone else?

I know where this is coming from...we have looked and looked and looked at homes to buy. We have exhausted our list, for the most part...why do I say that, because there are homes out there that we could potentially buy, but we won't. They might not be "big" enough or in the nicest area...whatever. God has a plan for our family and for right now, we just need to....

"Be still and know that I AM GOD"

It takes God to break us down to draw us closer to Him.

New Favorite Link

Here is a link to a site I found while trying to get ideas on planning family meals. I have a very hard time getting ideas for meals and having them planned out ahead of time. I believe this is because we never know how our evenings are going to turn out. So, I thought I would share this site with all my fellow readers.
http://www.familieswithpurpose.com/
Maybe something on the site will benefit you as well!

Humbled

One word....that is all that I can use right now as I read my devotion this afternoon...

Humbled.

This school year has started out very busy for one of my children, Colin. He debated over the summer about whether or not he wanted to play football. At the end, he decided not to play. Then I ran into one of his coaches and he asked me where he was and I filled him in on his decision not to play and asked if Colin would please give it a try. So he did....and so he loves it. Along with football, Colin was asked to join the Beta Club. This is like a middle school version of the Honors Society. WOW! Knowing the grades and attitude I had in school, this was a big shock for me to see my child have an opportunity in such a club. But today, I opened an email from Colin's guidance counselor and his band director has asked Colin to be the Band Assistant to the 6th grade band this year. He will be giving up a Spanish class and will take it next year instead. This has really made me think all day about the impression that Colin is leaving on those at this school, both teachers and students.

I have been reading through Matthew, Mark and now Luke. And the first chapter of Luke speaks about the births of John the Baptist and Jesus. And speaks of how and why they were conceived. Colin is such a special child for those that read this and know his beginning, but God has truly blessed me with Colin and I am forever grateful for what he has accomplished in his young life thus far.

I am not trying to toot my own child's horn by any means, I just realized from my reading that I tell Colin how proud I am of his accomplishments, but I am more humbled by what he is doing in his life and in those around him.

Lastest reading material

Ok, so I had sent a call out on FB about what I should read over vacation this summer. I received some feedback and ended up reading My Sisters Keeper by Jodi Picoult. Excellent book and easy read. I was so impressed with her writing and how each chapter in the book was from the perspective of each of the characters. I loved the story line, even though it was very sad and now I am not so interested in seeing the movie.



Which brings me to my next book (series). TWILIGHT

I get many ill remarks from my friends about these books, but I am wow'd by how REALLY good they are. I had several people mention them to me and my interest never really fell to them, but I thought I would give it a try.



Note: Prior to reading My Sisters Keeper, I mostly read christian fiction like, The Shack, Karen Kingsbury and Francine Rivers books, so this was a big style change for me.



Anyways, I am now obsessed with the Twilight Series. The most disappointing part was that I had seen the movie prior to reading the book. But, I loved the movie and was glad there were no gory, vampire parts to it. So, after reading 497 pages of Twilight, I have now moved on to the 563 page New Moon book. And the next 2 books in the series are even longer. I had someone tell me once that they read the entire series in a weekend because they couldn't put the books down. I give a thumbs up to that one because it is very hard for me to stop. And I hate finishing books because I want them to keep going. I want more and more and more.



One downfall for me is that I now have the Twilight movie and watched it again over the weekend since I had just finished that book. It really disappoints me that movies and books cannot coincide with one another and bring all the greatness of the books into movies. It is somewhat irritating to me, but at least there is something to watch to go along with it.



So where will I be on November 20th.....? That's right, at the debut showing of New Moon.

Ok...ok...ok...Already!

I guess since it is the end of summer and I will no longer have 4 children in the house keeping me insane and busy, I will continue my blogging experience at this time. Well, maybe, ok, well at least for today.

I don't really have any real reasons for not blogging except that Facebook holds my attention for hours on end. As if I don't have anything better to do than read what other people are, or are not, doing. And don't get me started on Bejeweled! I can't stay away from that game and my continued playing of the game comes from the fact that each game only lasts 1 minute. Try to justify not playing that one. At the start of each game I tell myself this is it, last game. Ok, well maybe just one more.

I have been very busy with visitors, vacations and saying good-bye to friends. My sister-in-law (SIL) and I traded kids this summer. My niece, Grace, came and stayed with us, while Caleb went to spend time at their house in Indiana. It was so much fun and VERY quiet at our house for 8 days. Then the kids and I made the long trek to Indiana for the fair. I have decided to rename that trip now...it is now the Paulus family vacation. Since I only get back to Indiana once a year (for the fair), that is time spent with my parents and siblings. I love being with them and miss them dearly so I can't say I am strictly going back for the fair. Even though that is where the majority of our visiting takes place. I also laugh that this is where I spend most of my time with my sister, Tara, who just happens to live 30 minutes from us. But we go to Indiana to hang out.

After the fair this year, I drove back to Indiana with my own children. We unpacked, shopped and repacked for a weeks vacation with the Eichelberger family at Dale Hollow Lake in Tennessee. What normally is a 7 day vacation, from Saturday to Saturday, lasted one more day this year. It was great at the time to spend one more day together, but whoa, made up for the lack of sleep all week this week.

Since the beginning of summer, my mother-in-law visited us and we spent a wonderful time at Carowinds and Charleston. Rob turned 40-something and I turned 30-something and we celebrated our 10 year anniversary! Time sure does fly when you have children and full schedules.

Now that school is approaching, our baby girl is going off to Kindergarten! She is very excited and she will have the teacher that we really liked. Caleb is going into 2nd grade and is again with a friend, 3 years in a row. Colin is in 7th grade and has decided to try football. He has had one practice and was very sore this morning, but our church youth group is white water rafting this weekend, so he is missing 2 practices. We are proud of him for trying football, not really sure how much he will enjoy it, but at least he is trying. Caden will be attending 2-day a week mothers morning out at our church. I am looking forward to those 2 days and either working out or working on my side job. As for Rob and I, well we are still surviving, keeping our heads just enough above water to enjoy the view. I can't complain about much, just the lack of time we get to spend together, but I guess that comes with parenting and growing up.

Stay tuned for further updates...as time permits.............
Until next time!